Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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