Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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