Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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