I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
