Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
