she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
