Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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