Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
