You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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