turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
