To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Randomize
