smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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