i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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