I cannot find my penis.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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