Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
