You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
