im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
