We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
