No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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