I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
