my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
