i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize