so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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