this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
