Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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