If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
