She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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