Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
