he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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