Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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