literally had 100 drinks last night.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
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