My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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