She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
