So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
