so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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