Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize