Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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