I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
