It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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