Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
