What did we do last night that was yellow?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
