Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
