I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize