Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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