...so i touched it.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
