R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
