Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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