How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
