The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
