Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
