I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
