The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
