I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
