Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
