im six kinds of drunk right now
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
