I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
