Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
