Plan B is the new Plan A
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
