I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
