we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
