I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
whose parrot is this?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize