you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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