Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
