this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize