Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
